Dear Eyeliner, an open letter…

Dear Eyeliner,

Because of you I can leave the house with at least a little confidence so I think it’s about time that I gave you the recognition you deserve. I feel that sometimes I take you for granted, when applying my make-up my well practiced hand flicks you onto my eyelids without a second thought and then drops you back into my make-up bag ready to pick you up again the next time I need you.

It was while framing my eyelids today that I had the random and panic inducing thought of what I would do if every cosmetic company in the world stopped producing eyeliner (a bit dramatic but roll with me). It’s a serious question, because besides from becoming a recluse I don’t see that I have that many options.

It bothers me that you go unappreciated by some ladies. When asked what make-up product they can’t live without most will say mascara, and sure, I get it but mascara’s not really multi talented is it? To be fair with all the false lashes around mascara should be watching it’s back. But you eyeliner, you’re so versatile! Pencils, liquids, kohl’s, gels, fat lines, thin lines, smoky eyes, feline eyes there are no ends to your capabilities. I think it’s about time you started to demand the respect you deserve.

I myself am a user of the gel version and have to say that the invention of such a product has completed my life. Back when I was thirteen/fourteen I started using the old faithful pencil, perfect for honing my eye lining skills. At sixteen/seventeen I progressed onto the slightly trickier liquid liner. Here I learnt the importance of a steady hand and a lot of patience after one such incident when I turned my whole eyeball black, convincing myself that I was going to go blind in the process. But these experiences are character building; you made me a better person. I began to fall out of love with your liquid relative (nothing to do with the blinding incident) and as if by magic gel liner began to fall from the sky as if from the heavens themselves.

I’m not a make-up artist, but I like to pretend that I am and I quite enjoy my make-up routine. There I am dusting on some blusher, a bit of eye shadow if I can be bothered, a swish of mascara, I look at my face in the mirror and think “Not bad” but it isn’t until I paint my peepers with my jet black gel, adding a little feline flick that I think “I’m Britain’s next top model.”

Without you my face would feel totally naked and I would never leave the house without clothes so why should my face go without you?

The only downside to being eyeliner obsessed is the emotional restrictions you place upon the wearer. Shedding a tear is strictly forbidden unless ‘panda’ was the look you were aiming for. Case in point: There I was watching War Horse in the cinema when this horrible scene happens where Joey (the horse) gets all tangled up in barbed wire. While I’m sure that no horses were hurt during the making of this film it was still enough to get me welling up. I had to mentally leave the cinema for a few seconds and say to myself “Bitch, pull yourself together. Do you want to walk out of this cinema in full view of the general public looking like Amy Winehouse caught in a monsoon?”

There ensued some rapid blinking to try and haul back the tears, which probably just made me look like I was having some kind of seizure.


Rest assured. If I was to be stranded on a desert island and could only take one item with me I’d choose you eyeliner. Or a boat. But probably you.


Jemm xoxo

P.s Ladies, what’s your ultimate beauty product?



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