Once upon a time there was a rich but not at all famous or royal young woman named Kate. In search of further education she attended the University of St Andrews where she studied the History of Art. Upon graduation Kate scored an admirable 2:1 but a degree wasn’t the most important thing she bagged. Oh no, gentle readers. While Kate was at this establishment for higher education you see she managed to bag herself a handsome young Prince by the name of William.
Romance blossomed (I’m sure the see through dress had nothing to do with it,) and after a long courtship (due to which the evil villains of the British press nicknamed poor Kate ‘Waity Katie’) the 2nd in line to the throne finally popped the question to the young woman of this tale. Overnight, would you believe, as if by magic, Kate was transformed from an average twenty-something to a perfectly polished Princess in waiting.
Now with the Royal wedding to end all Royal weddings just days away the Kingdom and it’s people are awash with excitement. Because who would have thought it? From plain Miss Middleton to ‘Her Royal Highness, Princess William of Wales’ all thanks to sapphires and diamonds and a couple of I do’s…
Or something like that.
C’mon, you gotta admit that Kate does have the air of a Disney princess about her and the love story does have a touch of the fairytale. That is of course if you discount the couple of breakups and the fact that the media and paps hound them wherever they go. Funny, I don’t remember shit like that in Cinderella.
You see ordinarily I’m not the kind who is that concerned with Royal happenings. What the Royals cost us, what they contribute and whether we need them is a whole other debate, perhaps for another day. I’m proud to be British and think it’s kinda cool that we have a Royal Family as I like a bit of tradition. Harry is my favourite as he’s a bit of a rebel, and there my opinion ends.
However I must confess to being slightly obsessed (in a non stalker way) with Miss Middleton, despite the fact that everything is telling me to dislike her, through pure jealousy you understand. But I really can’t do it. With her glossy hair, fresh approach and classy but fashionable style could Kate be the one who makes the Royals relevant?
On to the event itself. I’ve never witnessed a royal wedding on this scale before, as I wasn’t even close to being born when Diana married Prince Charles. We all know that didn’t end so well. But I’m super excited about Wills & Kate’s upcoming nuptials. And when I say I’m excited I do so with a little squeal of joy. Giddy doesn’t even cover it. I can hardly wait to witness the whole she-bang. Being a typical girl the dress is going to be my favourite part. I want it to be something fairytale and fabulous but I’m betting that Kate will opt for something simple and elegant. Alls I’m saying is that the dress and/or veil better trail on the floor at least a little bit. Or disappointment will abound. I mean it has to be a little bit fabulous right? It is a Disney (royal-same thing) wedding after all. The dress is what a couple billion people will be tuning into see.
Then there is the Abby, the transport, the guests, the waving from the balcony, and the three year old bridesmaid (uh oh.)
Honest to god with all my excitement you’d think I had a VIP invite to sit next to the Queen and her corgis.
Now that William is officially off the market it makes me feel better that Harry is still in the running. In my dreams I have a chance with the cooler, younger royal. Hell, if marrying a Prince is good enough for Kate, it’s good enough for me.
So in 3 days time I will be tuned into ITV HD to let the telly legend Schofe (Philip Schofield) take me through the events of the day. I will deck the halls with Union Jack bunting (because everybody loves a bit of bunting) and get all patriotic. I’ll ooh and ahh and gasp and sigh at the resplendent magnificence of it all.
Thanks to Glamour Magazine I have my royal wedding name ready, to which I’ll only answer to on the day. You start with Lord or Lady, depending on your gender, then take the first name of one of your grandparents, the name of a childhood pet and finally the name of the street you grew up on.
Mine is: Lady Frances Rosie Albany.
What’s yours? I’d love to know.
Now before I go I need to tell you how the story ends. It goes something like this:
The wedding was fabulously regal and majestic. The new Princess went about her royal duties with dignity, class and glamour, endearing herself to her public (and furry woodland creatures, with whom she could communicate.) She managed to avoid any poisonous apples and felt safe and happy in the knowledge that she would one day sit beside King William on the stately throne as Queen Catherine of the Kingdom. And they lived happily ever after.
Or at least I hope they do.
Because this actually hasn’t happened yet I really don’t know how ‘Kate and Will’s the fairytale’ will end . I might be able to dig out a Magic 8 Ball but I’ve been told that these aren’t at all reliable in predicting the future. So we’ll just have to wait and see.
Oh my, would you look at the time. So sorry darlings, I’ve run out of time to chat. After all, one does have a Royal Wedding to attend.
Now where did I put that tiara…