**Before we begin I would just like to apologise for my tardiness in getting this post up. I’ve had a busy couple of weeks what with birthdays and visiting cousins from Australia . It’s here now, so get reading.**
Okay, so burn me at the stake and send me to hell for admitting it but I’m a bit of a bitch. But I’m only a bitch if my love of bitching makes me a bitch. You following so far? No? Well let me explain. In my opinion being a bitch and liking to bitch are two totally different things that ought not to be confused.
Strike me down where I stand (or to be more precise at this moment in time, where I’m sat) but I like to bitch. Bitching is a part of being female and I love being a girl so I embrace every part of it: fashion, make up, pink things, sparkly things, girly things and yes, bitching. As women it’s our right to bitch and I’m sure that buried under all the other boring rules of society there is a law that states this fact. And if there isn’t, there should be. Bitching, and the need to bitch, are an inherent part of the female psyche, I honestly believe that women must be genetically pre-disposed to enjoy a good bitch. Some people will say I’m out of order but I’m rather partial to a bit of bitching. Nothing cleanses the soul more than letting it all out, because lets face it, if we kept all that venom inside we would just end up poisoning ourselves. And that would be no fun.
Now I don’t bitch about everybody, just people I don’t like, people I don’t know, people that I do like and do know but just get on my nerves, celebrities…oh dear, perhaps I am a bit of a bitch. Take celebrities, some sing, some dance, some act, some present, some through lack of talent do non of these things and are still famous, but all of them, at one point or another, practically beg you to bitch about them due to their bat shit crazy antics, disgusting dress sense, botched up cosmetic surgery, embarrassing career moves and ill thought out relationships.
For example: Jordan (who qualifies for all of the above). What is the point to this woman? Asking yourself this question is like trying to discover the meaning of life. You’re never going to get an answer. Jordan is just a frankenstein fame whore with big tits, no talent and no capacity to understand when people want her to piss right off. Am I wrong? There are countless other celebrities that I could spew my venom over, and it would be fun, but I won’t because after all this post is about me trying to be a better person.
However don’t think I don’t know where to draw the line. I’m not a gossip and I’m not one to start or spread rumours and I NEVER bitch about friends. Sure, sure they test your nerves sometimes but bitching behind a friends back is unacceptable. Anything that I may say about my friends I know that I could say it to their face. And that is how friendship should work, if you have a problem you should be able to approach it outright instead of bitching about it on the sly. Now I don’t really give a shit what people who I don’t know or don’t like say about me, their opinions are of little consequence, but if I was to discover that a friend had been bitching about me I would be upset. Because if there is one thing that I hate more than Jordan, it’s two faced people.
What is it that makes women bitch? For some it is about comparing and measuring yourself against others. You are also more likely to bitch when you feel vulnerable or insecure as slagging off someone else creates a diversion away from yourself and often makes you feel better. For girls there is no better place than high/secondary school to learn the trade of bitching as there is an almost ‘if you can’t beat ’em join ’em’ attitude where you’d much rather be the bitch than be the one being bitched about. While my bitching career may have been kick-started by some of these reasons I no longer feel that they are relevant. Now, I bitch more out of habit than anything else. Like sarcasm, I never intend to hurt anybody’s feelings, (because I’m really not a bad person) it fills a gap and more often than not I just say it without realising what I’m saying and maybe that’s the problem. Perhaps the next time I get the urge to bitch I need to stop and think before I open my mouth.
I’d like to point out that my bitching is probably no more severe and no different to what other women my age say or do. The odd comment here, the odd comment there, but it has been brought to my attention that sometimes, without even realizing or intending it, I can be a bit mean.
So far in writing this post I have come to understand that it just isn’t necessary. As acknowledged earlier bitching is not a need, it’s a habit, and one that needs to be broken. I’ve come to the conclusion that perhaps it’s time to reign it in a little for fear of turning into a Regina George Plastic with her very own ‘Burn Book’. Sooo not fetch!
What is also not ‘fetch’ is the disappearance of the so called sisterhood. I mean what happened to girl power? Ginger Spice would be so disappointed. I mean what happened to us girls being nice to each other, to sticking together, to supporting each other? Instead we (and I say we because I know I’m not the only one) tear each other down for the silliest of things. Whether you know the woman your bitching about or whether she is a complete stranger, whether you’ve seen her on the TV or in a magazine, whether she walked past you on the street or in a club, whether you saw her pictures on facebook or she’s a friend of a friend, no woman is out of bounds. We judge fellow women on the grounds of their appearance, aspects of their personality, their style, their weight, their relationships, their jobs, their hobbies, nothing is off limits. This meanness comes to us, from us. Why? All of the things that we target are superficial, and that says a hell of a lot more about the bitch than it does about the one being bitched about.
Lets have a show of hands. While out in a club how many of you have turned to your friends and shrieked while gesturing madly “LOOK AT THE STATE OF HER!”? Be honest ladies, how many of you have seen another woman wearing an outfit that you own and thought “Fat cow, it looks better on me”? And how many of you have seen a good looking guy, clocked his girlfriend and thought “What the hell is he doing with her“? There are so many other examples that I could use and that in itself is kinda sad.
I think deep down the reason that we do this is because we are just as hard on ourselves as we are on other women. We beat ourselves up for our own flaws and imperfections and pointing out other peoples makes us feel better for all of 10 seconds. But I think it’s time that we gave ourselves and each other a break. It’s time to accept that nobody’s perfect, on the outside we are all different but on the inside we’re just the same. Pointing out and highlighting each other’s insecurities isn’t going to make your own go away. It just wastes time and energy. But perhaps if you put the same amount of energy into saying something positive instead of negative, you may just feel the benefits too. Karmas a bitch? Only bitches think so.
From reading this post you know that I am no angel in these situations, but my eyes have been opened and from now on I will make a concerted effort to be a nicer person. So thinking along these lines I’ve decided to impose upon myself a bitching ban. There is no way I can go cold turkey so this ban will not stretch to celebrities, they put themselves out there, they ask for it. Nor will it stretch to the X Factor contestants because everyone knows watching that show is like seeing a freak show for free. However everyone else is out of bounds. I’ve discovered that unnecessary bitching is like word vomit. Once its out you can’t take it back. So listen up bitches, this is your wake up call.
“But what are we supposed to do with all that stored up venom?” I hear you cry. Spit it at the boys instead! (I jest, I jest!) You actually do more damage by spitting it out than by keeping it in, so try swallowing it. I’ve found it really doesn’t do you much harm after all. It tastes bitter at first, then sooner or later you find that you’ve got no more venom left. Without even realizing it you’ve become a better person.
Hopefully I will start to feel these benefits soon. After all no one likes a bitch.